You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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