So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just tell him i said nine months
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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