dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
