so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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