I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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