I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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