And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
