For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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