i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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