it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she peed on how many people?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
