I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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