I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
