just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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