you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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