dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
