i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
