She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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