Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
