When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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