I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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