he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
