i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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