im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
