so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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