i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
