but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
