He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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