just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
