Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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