my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
