I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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