Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
