so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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