This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
