The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My vagina is officially offended.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
