Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
