idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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