my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
