'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize