Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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