i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
