Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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