Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
