this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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