It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize