I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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