Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
