and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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