If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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