you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
