Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
