dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it hurts more in the daytime
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
