Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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