At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
