My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
