all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
