$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
