my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
