I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
