its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
