I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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