her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize