hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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